Terror at Kino Aero – The Shockproof Film Festival

“Oh, the program for the Shockproof Film festival at Kino Aero is finally out!” S. jumps in her chair. “Cool! Let’s go see some bizarre movies. When is it?”, I ask while I take a sip of wine. S. forgets to work on hers. “It starts 5th of March and runs for six days. I want to post in our Facebook group about the festival, and maybe make some poll about who would see what with me. Is that a good idea?” “Yeah! It would be great to have more people on board”, I agree. “Awesome, gonna do it. So excited!”

The next day my phone beeps, “S. posted in Film and Drink Club”:

“Hey guys, it’s almost time for Festival otrlého diváka, aka Shockproof Film Festival, aka the best film festival ever! I’ve put a little poll of all the English-friendly films, in case anyone wants to join me (you should!). The film I’m most excited about is Piercing – the director’s previous film was beautiful and disturbing (it still haunts me!), and the film is based on a book by the author who wrote Audition (which was adapted into a horror classic). Next most exciting for me are Summer of 84 – it’s on my horror watchlist (but so are like 1000 other movies 😛 ), Urotsukidoji – just thought, tentacle porn, that sounds fun 😛 and The Blob – didn’t know before that there was a blob remake, the practical effects look cool. But yeah, would see them all 😀 ”

My thumb confirms every item in the poll, then it occurs to me that I should check what I’m getting myself into so, I click on the attached link. Ahaaa! This year the festival focuses on the inevitable destruction of mankind, the planet and… Why not? The whole universe. Intrigued, I continue to the program. I count that Kino Aero is screening 20 movies during the festival, 15 of which are English friendly. The movie selection reminds me of a night walk to the bathroom, still half asleep. ‘Cause you never know what might happen. One time a ghost might make you scream, while another time you scream in agony as you slam your toe on a piece of furniture.

„Hmm,“ I turn thoughts over in my mind, „What happened last year?“

“Příští zastávka…” the tram lady starts a sentence. “Biskupcova! Biskupcova!” the kid behind me doesn’t let her finish. Příští zastávka – Kino Aero, I think to myself. I lean my forehead on the window and let the glimpses of Žižkov in and out. Meanwhile the tram stops again. A chill pierces through my body as I step down the stairs. I squint my eyes at the surroundings. Biskupcova, yes, that way.

The big sign “KINO” stares at me already from far away and draws me in like a moth to a flame. I approach a gloomy hallway leading to the courtyard of Kino Aero and I inhale. The smell of burning tobacco and frying oil inspires me. I don’t know what I wanna do first – order a hot-dog or have a smoke. A buzzing sound increases in volume and when I walk in I identify the source of the stink and whizz. I can make out silhouettes of people crammed in the hazy courtyard. Foggy clouds soar from their mouths regardless of whether they smoke or not.

I find a place where I can see the hallway I came from and I glance in that direction every couple of seconds. Suddenly a familiar face peeks out from there. She frowns, but the next second her face brightens when her eyes land on me, waving dramatically. She skips down the stairs and we bear hug. “I need a drink”, I don’t waste a second. “Oh god, me too!”, she gets on board.

We slalom our way into the building.

But a wall of people inside stops our progress. “Wow, it’s warm here.” I take off my coat and sweater. S. evaluates the situation at the cloakroom. “Jesus… That looks like it will take a while. I need to use the bathroom.” Both our eyes go to the ladies, where there is another huge line. I check the time, “Let’s hold on to our coats; you go there, I’ll get the drinks and we’ll meet by the entrance.”

The end of yet another long-ass line welcomes me. But it’s worth it to find out what the theme drink of the festival this year is. And I have time to analyze the decorations! The collection of horrific and cheesy installations makes me smirk, they fit the atmosphere like a glove. After I pay I squeeze myself through the crowd and find S. standing by the entrance. I hand her a drink, now we’re ready to fight for seats with another 300 people.

The door finally opens.

A wave of excitement cuts through the audience. In exchange for our tickets we get clothing hangers. S. and I look at each other quizzically but rush in to find two empty seats next to each other. No problem, we sink in, sip our drinks and without a word turn the clothing hangers in our hands. I sit up in my chair when members of the festival crew climb on the stage to introduce the movie, Birdemic: Shock and Terror. The performance cracks me up and in the end I clap enthusiastically together with my hanger. After the applause dies down, the lights turn dim and the show begins…

Along the way, our movie heroes face a nasty attack of “super realistic” computer generated birds. They decide that the best way to fight them off is with clothing hangers. That’s our cue to grab our props and join the heroes in their struggle. We wave the hangers in the air while the members of the festival crew run up and down the aisles holding paper birds. It’s a success! The heroes manage to get in a van and drive away…

We come out of the theater with big grins on our faces and already can’t wait for the next year’s nightmare…

…I wake up from my thoughts. It’s 2019, the festival is back so let’s go!

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Read about the hot spot in Prague for blowing-off some steam.